Kind of wanting

Hair extensions. I never should have cut my hair. It’s so short, I can’t do anything with it now. Ugh, why so I do these things?

I am in serious need

Of a book that I can just lose myself in. In a tough mess and boy would some sort of fantasy land would be great right now. But I can’t think of any. :(

;)

Good isn’t in my vocabulary. Angelic is, but bitch is right behind it. :)

With a little luck and elbow grease…

Things could get damn good soon!
Possible new place, possible new job, possible new me in a possibly happy new life. Awww yeah

So, it seems that…

My life is just going to be all about change this year.

Just as I start getting settled and making friends and finding family, I might be up and moving again. Oh joy? Actually this time I’m pleased about it, astonishingly enough. If Todd doesn’t get a job at the Mill we’ll be moving to the Scarborough/SoPo area. Which is exactly where I want to be. Never thought that would happen, but I hate small town life. I’m a strictly a suburbs girl. I don’t want city, I don’t want country. I just want neighborhoods and people and dogs and back yards, etc. It’s who I am, it’s what I love. I don’t exactly what to do the whole moving thing again, but I think thi8s time might be a good move. Hmm…

I don’t know where my mind is at today..

I can barely focus and everything seems like a dream, probably from lack of sleep.
I need clients!! I need $$ for one and I would really like to make a solid business, but no…. I have had one pedicure and one manicure in the two or so weeks I have been there. Don’t get me wrong, I know full well that word of mouth advertising is slow, but I hate sitting around doing/making nothing when my fiancee could actually be doing/making plenty. I don’t know what to do. :X

Why is everything so difficult.

Just when I feel like I’m starting to catch a break things start falling apart, mainly myself. I’m homesick, more than I’ve ever been, and I’m depressed, worse than I’ve ever been. Every smile feels fake, even when I mean it, it’s such an awful feeling. I want to feel genuinely happy again. But I don’t know how to.

It’s not too much to ask…

I know it’s not too much…. If that’s too much then I’m too needy. And if I’m too needy then maybe I was wrong. And if I was wrong, I’m sorry. Oh so sorry.

I can honestly say

That I am having a little bit of trouble with this whole wedding business.
My first plan was to have a huge costume ball reception this year on Halloween, everyone told me no or absolutely not or there is just no way I’ll make it. I thought this was my day, but I guess not.
My second plan was a little more traditional. White dress, brides maids, evening setting, caterers, etc. The colors were purple and orange to keep with the Halloween theme. Again, pretty much shot down by everyone.
This time it’s my way or the highway.
October 31st 2014. Steampunk. I’m going to attempt making my dress. Colors are all rich, Victorian and wonderful. I’m not taking no for an answer this time. It’s my day, and I want to be happy.